Sunday, 14 June 2009

• FML :)

  Second round of FML's.
  Enjoy :)

  - Today, I went to the Verizon because my phone was broken. It hadn't rang in 3 weeks. I hadn't gotten any text messages either. So, I got to the store they check out my phone. They told me that there was absolutely nothing wrong with my phone. No one had called me in 3 weeks. Then they charged me $30. FML

  - Today, I was woken up at 2 in the morning by my phone ringing. As I groggily reached for it I managed to knock my fan onto my head, leaving a grate-shaped bruise. The best part? My phone wasn't ringing, I dreamed myself awake. FML

  - Today, I had sex with this guy i really like for the first time. After, we were laying in bed listening to music. When the song finished he leaned over and said, "You know what you and that song have in common?" I smiled and said, "What?" He replied with, "You just got played, get out of my bed." FML

  - Today, I made a patient really happy. I work in a long term care facility and was changing a woman's diaper. While cleaning her, I somehow managed to give her an orgasm with a warm wash cloth. FML

  - Today, I found out that my 'girlfriend', who I've been emailing with, was really my friend playing a prank on me. He asked me for naked pictures of myself and I sent them to him. FML

  - Today, I went to a bar with some buddies, and after trying to pick up a few girls, one of my friends got a number. When I heard the number I said 'Sorry man, that's definitely the rejection hotline number'. So many girls have given me that number, I memorized it. FML

  - Today, I got an invitation to my ex-boyfriend's wedding. We broke up because "he didn't believe in marriage." FML

  - Today, I asked my mom if I could join my friends in getting lessons in self defense. My mom told me that I didn't need them because my face was a better weapon to repel anyone. FML

  - Today, I called Tech Support because the computer program wouldn't let me open files for my online classes. After an hour, and being walked through the downloading process multiple times. There was a pause and he said "You're a fucking idiot." and hung up. It still won't work. FML

  - Today, I was on the phone with my best guy friend, who I have loved for years. I was talking about school and all of a sudden he said "I love you." I flipped out saying "Oh my god, oh my god. I love you, too!" He responded with "what?" He was talking to his mom, who was walking out the door. FML

  - Today, while running on the treadmill at the gym, the girl next to me slipped and went flying back against the wall. Indecisive whether to get off and help her or to just keep going, I lost my focus and footing and flew back next to her. FML

  - Today, while walking down the street, a homeless man walked up to me. He opened his mouth to say something and I immediately said that I didn't have any spare change because I was late for work. He then said "I was gonna ask you for the time, dickwad". Apparently he wasn't homeless. FML

   

  Haha, some of these moments are pricless :)
  xx Jess

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